Please note that all dialogue is under United States
Unleashed! The Secret
Lives of White House Pets
A comedy in one act for young audiences by Allyson Currin
1 man, 1 woman, 4 actors playing multiple roles (gender-bending
Commissioned by The
Kennedy Center and the White
House Historical Association. World Premiere directed
by Nick Olcott at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing
Arts, January 30-February 22, 2009. National tour to follow in the
2010-11 season. Children's book based on the play scheduled for publication by Simon and Schuster, January 2011.
Alastair, the newly-elected First Daughter, is all thrilled about
her upcoming four years in the White House – until her jittery
Chihuahua Tipp convinces her that the pressure will be too much
for either of them to bear. With the help of a wise White House
Usher and a time-traveling buggy, Alastair and Tipp go on the journey
of a lifetime through history, in search of reassurance from some
of the most colorful pets who ever lived in the White House. Sample
Alastair and Tipp, unawares, are being stalked
by the Alligator. He snaps at them and they scream.
Almost had you, mes chers!
What the heck?
Where are we? What are you?
Come to Papa...
Alligator grabs Tipp.
ALASTAIR (consulting her history book)
Oh, come on! When did an alligator EVER live in the White House?
This is a total rip-off.
‘Zere is much about ze White House zat no one ever wrote down,
cherie! Lots of history zat nobody talks about...lots of history
zat maybe isn’t so true – But it makes a rollicking
good story, oui?
But there was no alligator in the White House ever, unless maybe
it was stuffed.
ALLIGATOR (gnashing his teeth)
Do I look stuffed to you?
No, but still...don’t worry, Tipp, this is totally a myth!
That’s a lotta sharp teeth for a myth!
Why, thank you! And myths have a way of getting into history, do
zet not? Now be good leetle children and let me have one tiny taste!
Alastair, save me! I’m too young to die!
Now see here, you – Cajun Alligator White House Pet-type person!
We did not come all this way to get eaten by an alligator!
Why so serious, leetle girl? Zis tiny creature is barely an appetizer!
Lafayette rushes on with a gi-normous leash.
Zere you are! I have been looking all over for you! Did I not tell
you once, did I not tell you twice, did I not tell you three times,
zat zere is no eating ze White House guests? You keep zis up and
you go back to ze Bayou!
I was only having a leetle fun, Monsieur de Marquis de Lafayette
I cannot take you back to France with me if zis is what happens
every time I turn my back on you. Now put ze tiny pigeon down.
He’s not a pigeon –
It’s cool, I’m a pigeon, whatever he wants!